Dear Emily, Six Months From Now

August 20, 2019

Dear Emily,

You are still brave and kind and focused. You are loving and thoughtful. Six months have passed and you are still doing the work and moving through the process and peeling back the layers. You are always curious.

But now, you are even softer, slower, more patient, available, and present. You leave open spaces for nothingness and unplanned possibilities. You understand more now that your worth is not based on how much you get done or your constant productivity. You get to just BE sometimes. You observe a sabbath. You drop into flow states. Your creative life force is tremendous and you make moves to tap into it. 

You still offer solid structure and support for your girls but you do not command so much as collaborate. They are not afraid of you; they respect you but only because you have gone through great pains to first respect them for exactly who they are. They are safe with you -- not only when you think they deserve it but ALWAYS. You truly do love and like them for who they are and whatever paths they are on. You enjoy them. You finally believe you are a good mother. You are still a good mother. 

Healing your relationship with the girls has brought you freedom and reduced your stress and anxiety. You have released resentments and judgments and frustrations. You let them be and you encourage them in their themness. You don’t hold on so tightly; your desire for control has decreased. 

You have a better understanding of what is important and what is not worth fussing over. You know when to let go and let be. You leave your house dirty. You let the girls walk with wet feet on the carpet without saying anything. You make art with them. You bake with them. You make messes with them. You clean up after them without pointing out that you are cleaning up after them. You let them make mistakes. You accept that not every moment has to be a goddamn teachable moment. 

You eat the foods that give you life. You move your body every day. You seek out ways to nurture important connections. You speak kindly to yourself. 

You are still the most bad ass woman you know. You are still good at championing and celebrating the other bad asses in your life. 

I love you.

Love, me.